How to Become More Confident as a Coach

When I was first certified as a Gallup Strengths Coach, I was in the unusual position of getting certified to coach other leaders and my own direct reports within my organization, Southwest Airlines. 

Rather than being an independent coach out on my own, I was tasked with ensuring all the leaders within the Marketing department at Southwest owned their CliftonStrengths® and could use them to build effective teams and overcome challenges. Our focus was to partner with Leaders to help them become “Leader as Coach.”

Sometimes, these leaders came to me. And sometimes, I had to gently approach them. Either way, I was keenly aware of the vulnerable position I found myself in!

As a new coach, how could I be confident coaching a Senior Vice President? Or coaching a Manager I often worked with on other projects? 

I found myself over-preparing for coaching sessions, and then leaving them wondering if I had made a difference at all. 

I had barely started my coaching journey, and I was already feeling burned out.

Here I was a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach, tasked with helping leaders develop confidence in their Strengths. And yet, I was not confident in my own Strengths, or in my ability to coach others. 

Finally acknowledging my mindset and confidence were tanked, I knew I needed to begin again. 

My goal of being a confident and impactful Strengths Coach was intact, but the strategies I was using to get there had to change.

Beginning again was exactly what I needed to start building my confidence. I had to start practicing what I preached and owning who I was, and who I wasn’t.

Developing an authentic coaching style took a lot of time. And while you’ll face twists and turns along the way too, I can help you get started. 

As I reflect on my journey, growing in these four areas are what transformed my confidence as a coach.

The 4 Keys to Gaining Confidence as a Coach

#1. Practice radical self-acceptance.

Gallup’s CliftonStrengths® assessment highlights our innate talents; the natural ways we think, feel, and behave that bring us success. According to Gallup, the most successful people in any field are not well-rounded; instead, individuals are highly unique and exponentially talented in very specific ways. 

Why does this matter? 

 Because spinning your wheels trying to be everything to everyone will never work. And the more you focus on trying to be who you’re not, you’ll lose the power and edge of your strengths. 

For me, this journey started with practicing what I coached. I opened my CliftonStrengths® 34 Report and highlighted all the words and phrases that resonated with me most. I started believing and leaning into the value of my strengths. I accepted that I’m an energetic and future-focused coach who loves to explore alternate routes. 

Embracing who I was brought me more energy and comfort sitting across from clients. I also had less time to think about all the ways I could try to be someone different. 

Accepting myself made coaching way more enjoyable. And even better…

Accepting myself gave my clients permission to do the same.

#2. Own your role as passenger.

To prove to myself and others that I could be a good coach, I needed my clients to reach their goals. I wanted them to see how our work together had transformed their life, and I wanted it to happen fast. 

But as skillful coaches understand, we can never work harder than our clients.

John C. Maxwell captured this well when he said, 

“Become a coach, not a king. A coach brings out the best in others, helping them to reach deep down inside and discover their potential. A king only gives commands.”

Instead of investing my energy into driving coaching sessions forward, I instead began empowering my clients to lead. Sitting in the passenger seat required immense patience in the beginning, but ultimately, I became energized watching clients take charge of their own lives. 

Owning my role as the passenger, not the driver, transformed sessions from frustrating to empowering.

#3. Embrace imperfection.

In Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, she describes the differences between perfectionism and healthy striving. 

As a new coach, I had high aspirations for myself and my clients. So much of what allured me to coaching to begin with was my unrelenting hope. In all things, I hope for beauty in abundance. And I wanted to do anything it took to inspire that passion within my clients. 

But that hope was quickly squandered by perfectionism. If I fumbled on my words or forgot a detail with a client, I beat myself up over the mistakes. 

The problem with this way of operating, beyond the obvious, is that when we stop showing ourselves compassion, we stop giving it to others too.

Later in The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown says:

“Perfectionism never happens in a vacuum. It touches everyone around us. We pass it down to our children, we infect our workplace with impossible expectations, and it’s suffocating for our friends and families.

Thankfully, compassion also spreads quickly. When we’re kind to ourselves, we create a reservoir of compassion that we can extend to others.”

As I started embracing my imperfections with clients, and letting them in on my little mistakes or moments of not knowing what to say, I watched them breathe a little easier and relax in their chairs. 

I realized so many of my clients were bearing the heavy weight of perfection, too. And what they really needed was someone to show them it didn’t have to be that way. As you embrace your imperfections, your connections with clients will flourish. 

Compassion begets courage, and courage begets confidence. 

# 4. Accept that not everyone will like you.

If you haven’t noticed yet, so much about gaining confidence as a coach is learning how to accept yourself and those around you, for who you/they really are. 

One of the outcomes of coaching as your authentic self is that not everyone will like it. Not everyone will like you. 

You aren’t the right coach for every client.

When I first started coaching, I spent more energy trying to win my clients over than I did bringing my authentic self to sessions. The more I leaned into gaining their approval, the less I brought my sharpest tool—my unique strengths and style. 

I quickly learned that if I needed every client to like me, I would never gain genuine confidence in my ability to coach as me. Shape shifting for others is costly, and eventually erodes our own personality. 

The more you accept who you are and what you bring, the less these “mismatches” will matter. 

There is no limit to the people you have the potential to impact. And if a few clients aren’t the right fit, there are endless coaches to meet their needs too.

Focusing on these four areas fundamentally changed the way I coached, and built the authentic confidence I needed to live out my purpose. But there’s no “making it.” I have to continue building upon this work each and every day. 

Which is exactly why I wrote The Strengths Journal™. I wrote it for me, and I wrote it for you too.

Each day, The Strengths Journal™ grounds me in my strengths by reminding me to approach my coaching through the lens of my unique superpowers. It’s also improved my productivity and energy, building my confidence in what I do daily. I don’t need to bring anyone but Dana to my sessions. 

As you build your confidence as a coach, The Strengths Journal™ can be your daily guide towards radical self-acceptance and authentic goal setting too.

I also started the Transform Your Life Six-Week Bootcamp for new coaches, just like you. Each week, we come together as a community to learn how to live into our strengths to achieve our goals. If you’re waiting for a sign to get the support you need, this is it!

Building confidence as a coach is a slow, daily process that requires you to bring your whole self to your work each day. But the gift of experiencing sessions that flow with energy and authentic connection are well worth the investment. You have to go slow to go fast.

I’m here to cheer you on as you grow in confidence as a coach!